A passage from Dr Gabor Mate's international bestselling book "When the BODY SAYS NO. The cost of HIDDEN STRESS" (p38) which beautifully summarises the tenets of emotional competence:
"Emotional competence requires:
- the capacity to feel our emotions, so that we are aware when we are experiencing stress;
- the ability to express our emotions effectively and thereby to assert our needs and to maintain the integrity of our emotional boundaries;
- the facility to distinguish between psychological reactions that are pertinent to the present situation and those that represent residue from the past. What we want and demand from the world needs to conform to our present needs, not to unconscious, unsatisfied needs from childhood. If distinctions between past and present blur we will perceive loss or the threat of loss where none exists; and
- the awareness of those genuine needs that do require satisfaction, rather than their repression for the sake of gaining the acceptance or approval of others"
A great read - find out more of his work on drgabormate.com and on twitter @DrGaborMate